The Worst Words

I haven't been blogging although this was a major goal for me. I have been in a tail spin recently. But now I need to write about this. Maybe someday, someone reading this will be helped a little. That is my hope.

October 20th, I went in for a colonoscopy because of general tummy aches that would not go away. I thought perhaps I was lactose intolerant. But as I am youngish, not yet 40, I never even dreamed that it might be something more serious.
They found a mass in my colon which the doc thought looked like cancer. They took the biopsy and sure enough, it was.
I don't know how you hear those words. Until then, being told "you have cancer" was my second worst fear. The doc said it was like having a bomb go off in the room. And it is. It is one of those horrible moments that time stands still and rushes forward as well, with a viscous, sticky, lurching. In your head you are trying desperately to listen, to make sense of the language, the words that people are saying to you, but nothing makes sense. All you can hear is the word cancer, cancer, cancer, ringing through your skull like a bell.

Then it was followed by two or three days of hospital and doctor visits. My new doc, Dr.Martin, was so positive. He told me that he was in the business of curing cancer. He explained everything so well and gave me just absolute confidence in him. On October 30th, I was scheduled for surgery.

During the ten days between diagnosis and surgery, I had to tell the staff at my school, and my students, my family and my friends. While you might think that would have been difficult everyone was so supportive and loving. I am truly blessed to live where I do, with all of the people I have surrounding me. I am almost too blessed. Those ten days have a party like atmosphere in my recollection.

But God has been holding me in his hand. Just cradling me next to his heart. At risk of sounding wacky, I could almost hear God's heartbeat during my day. I had no fear, none. I was being protected from pain, and fear. I am amazed at God's goodness. I am undeserving of being treated so.

October 30th, I went in for surgery which was totally successful. They got everything. It did not spread to my lymph nodes or anywhere beyond. I don't even have to have chemo. Now how amazing is that?

It has been a week now. I was in the hospital for 5 days and have been home now for two nights. I am walking and resting and able to do most everything that I could before. I get tired more easily, but I am sailing right through recovery. I will be right as rain soon. I will be able to go back to my beloved classroom in about a week, albeit half time until after Thanksgiving.

But the best thing is I have been CURED of cancer. I never thought that that was possible. I was under the delusion that once you had cancer, it could be arrested or put into remission, but never really left your system, But mine was cut out, biopsied, studied and now I hope thrown away or burned. It no longer exists.

So, two weeks ago, I was a cancer victim, but now, I am cancer free. I am too lucky. I am too blessed. There are so many other people out there with way worse cancers. People who are suffering and in pain. People who are lonely and scared.

I haven't yet decided what I need to do to help, but I am going to do something. I feel that I was given a great second chance, I need to make this world better while I am here. That has become an imperative.

So, I hope that you never have to hear the words that you fear the most, but strangely, once you hear them, and survive, then you realize how little there is left to fear. It is liberating and exhilarating.

May you be as blessed as I am.

Arguing without sound

Have you ever had an argument without talking? My dog, Pavlov and I are in the middle of a cold war. And dagnabit! He's winning....

Last night in the early early hours of the morning, Pavlov jumped up on my bed. He is a great dog and usually very welcome. But last night he got a bee in his bonnet. He wanted to sleep not only ON my bed, but he wanted to sleep ON me, on my legs to be exact. I don't know if he was having separation issues or what. But, I told him no and moved my legs. He growled at me and sat his head on my leg, so I moved my legs again. He MOVED over to sleep on my leg again! I said NO and he said something like rowlfmfflrowrowrow. I was too tired to argue anymore so I let him have his way. But I don't feel like I should be bullied by a dog.

The things we do for love....

A heart where you least expect to find it

This little heart was in the cream cheese that I put on my french toast last Thursday. I didn't do anything to make it so. It just kind of appeared there. It felt like a small little reminder that God still loves us and is still watching out for us. It was significant that it was on Thursday because last Wednesday, a dear friend of mine lost her son in a car accident. We are still so devastated. But love is out there, and small little reminders of it, everywhere if we just can have eyes to see. Look hard dear friends! I, for one, LOVE YOU!

getting organized

This week my goal is to get organized in a more organized fashion:)
I sat down each one of my kids separately after dinner tonight and had them tell me their schedule for the week. It worked out really well. I wrote their needs down on my weekly planner pages and I also wrote it down on a weekly page pad that I bought at Target over the summer. The pad sticks to the fridge with magnets. Now everyone including my husband will have access to the schedule. Pretty slick!
I also wrote down all the things that I would need to prep and put it down on the to do list a day in advance so I have given myself a little extra wiggle room in case I cannot accomplish everything I need to.
I know that I am not alone out there in having too many things to do and too many places to be during the week. But that is to be expected when you have a large-ish family like I do and kids who aren't driving yet. Hopefully, a little planning in advance will help the week go more smoothly.
What do you do to help yourself be organized?

Love and football

1 and 0!!!

Wow! You know, I think there is very little that I love more than football.

I know that I shouldn't be as wild about the game as I am but I just can't seem to help it. I think that it is the adrenaline or something. I just love football and especially the Cowboys. I've been a fan since I was a little, little girl and we lived in Fort Worth.

This November will be the culmination of a lifelong dream for me. Last year, my husband bought me season tickets for this year for the Cowboys. I have NO idea how he got them because it has always been my understanding that it is nearly impossible to get Cowboys season tickets. And it might seem insane considering that we live about 9 states away from Texas, so we will probably never ever get to any of the games other than the Thanksgiving game. In fact, this game will probably be my only shot in my whole lifetime to see my beloved Cowboys play live in Texas Stadium. But my husband is the absolute best. He bought a whole seasons worth of tickets so that I could see one game, live and in person. He totally supports my passion and that is just priceless.

How I found out about the season tickets was pretty funny too. ( Well looking back on it now is...)

For some reason, my hubby and I were in this horrible fight ( I can't remember what started it, but it was one of the ones where you think, I should just leave, I hate this person across from me!) and then I told him he could just go get an apartment he had the money on his credit card (since we had just paid it off in trying to meet our goal of becoming debt free) and I could care less if I ever saw him again. He turned to me and said he didn't have the money on his card (I nearly went ballistic at that- horrible things were going through my mind, a hussy on the side, gambling, what the HECK did he spend that money on???) I'm so mad at this point I am ready to launch into space and he looked me straight in the eye and said in this low, calm voice..." I bought Cowboys season tickets for you so we can go to a Thanksgiving game." My mouth dropped open and all the fight went out of me. It is hard to describe that moment and how I felt. Low down as a dirty dog. Shock and surprise and love for this man who so totally gets me. I think it was the nicest thing that anyone has ever done for me and I was being so mean and hateful and letting my need to be right and my emotions get control of me. It was a major big lesson for me. A real shocker. Because what do you say to the man that makes your dreams come true? Nothing but I love you, honey. And you know that I always will.

First Day of School!

"Oh what a beautiful morning, oh what a beautiful day, I've got a beautiful feeling, everything's going my way"

After I woke up this morning at 4 am (2 hours too soon, due to a major case of butterflies... yes, teachers get them too!) I was raring to go. My kids got up at the crack of dawn and we did our first day of school "stuff" like taking a picture and listening to "Look at your life through Heaven's Eyes" from the Prince of Egypt CD. We got lunches packed in the wonderful new bags that I sewed this summer, complete with reusable sandwich wraps so we are on our way to becoming ziploc free. Lion starts his Junior year, Monkey started his first day of high school and Cheetah started seventh grade. The boys were much too cool to want to continue our traditions this year, but gave in gracefully to appease their mama.

Then we got everyone on the bus and my daughter, Bear, and I went to school. It is so nice having her along with me for one more year. Cherish your babies while they are small because really they do grow up in what feels like a blink, looking back on it. (I do remember however being nearly to tears because when they were all small it was so overwhelming just to get the four of them to the car, much less anywhere else, so to all moms out there with multiple little ones, I know what you are feeling. You can do it, you will survive!)

And then my students came in this morning. I haven't seen them all summer. ( I am looping with my students so I am teaching them for two years) They have grown so tall and step into the classroom with such an air of maturity. It humbles me and awes me all at the same time. I also have several new kids too and they are just delightful.

I only had one kid throw up today and one girl cry a few tears (welcome to fourth grade honey!) and so it was a great first day all in all.

I love September. It is a month of falling in love all over again.

think think think

This morning was the first day back to school (without students yet, until after Labor day.) It was so fun to connect with my teaching buddies. We did great work working on reviewing our mission statement, values and vision for our school and looking closely at the data that helps us to know our kids a bit better in a more analytical way. My students WASL scores were amazing! My kids ROCK! It was the first time that we had a chance to see our individual class scores by students. All I can say again is my kids ROCK! I am so so proud of them. I feel like a beamingly proud parent. I want to strut around like a peacock and tell the community. Did you SEE what my third graders did? They are so on track and so smart. I love every single one of them. Amazing!

I have also been setting up my classroom. While I am new to this whole blogging thing, I want to set a goal for myself that this becomes a very natural venue for me. I was thinking that I should have taken before and after pictures of my classroom and have them posted. But, of course, I didn't think of this now. A good idea for next year though. I could always do the after shots because for some teacher out there, it might be something that they could use. I'll try that tomorrow.

And thanks to my-friend-by-default, Merrie. She has done my back to school bulletin board for me two years running. She is really the good friend of my teaching partner, but took me on as well when it comes to doing things for me. She doesn't have to, she just does. She's truly an example of graciousness and of giving back to others. She is my inspiration of the day. Thank you Merrie! I want to be just like you. My board is stunnnnning! It is a football theme and a perfect reflection of my football crazy class!

A final thought for today. My eldest boy came home just a few minutes ago! He made LIFE scout tonight. WOW! Next step is EAGLE baby! It has been a banner day!

Wahoo! We are on va ca tion

After a few days of packing and prepping the camper for its inaugural run, we are on the road!
We left our house this morning about 10 and have made it here to see my parents. Tomorrow we are going to get to Bozeman Montana where we are going to visit the Lewis and Clark Caverns and the historic Montana State Prison. I am wondering if there will be any ghosties to scare up.

Inaugural Blog

I have wanted to start a blog for a long time. It is pretty exciting to learn something new and to be something new.
I've been reading other people's blogs for about two years and now I have my own! I've been taking pictures all summer to post.

I love the book Because of Winn Dixie (thanks Kate Di Camillo, you are a heroine of mine) and I read it every year to my new students. So as an homage to India Opal, here is a list of ten things that you should know about me....

1. I am the momma of many. I love my family more than anything else. I would like to adopt children someday, but right now I have my hands full with my own personal children.
2. I love to craft, to sew and to create. I am always in motion and a restless person so I have lots of projects in motion at any one time. I am currently making a dress to wear to the Cowboy Cookout that we are going to on vacation next week when we go to Montana.
3. I was an Air Force brat. My family still is a military family although we are now national guard and stationed here permanently in our state. Hubby should retire in about 5 years. While he has never been to Afghanistan or Iraq, he was stationed in Korea on hardship tours twice. I love my country and tend to be a bit shortsighted about her flaws. I know they are there, but I figure there are so many that want to inflate them that there should be people like me to not acknowledge them so that it all balances out.
4. I am a rabid Dallas Cowboys fan and have been since I was a little girl. We even have season tickets this year even though we live WAY outside of Texas. I am going to my FIRST Cowboys home game this (yep, IN DALLAS) Thanksgiving.
5. I love what I do for a living. I am an elementary school teacher and I would teach (if I could afford it) even if I didn't get paid.
6. I love roast beef sandwiches and chips and salsa. If I were on a desert island with only those foods (and Dr.Pepper and coffee with creamers) I think I would be happy for life.
7. People who are unkind really irritate me. I think kindness has to be the highest virtue. It encompasses so many other virtues like honesty, tolerance, and integrity. I notice kindness in others and have been known to borrow words from people to use in other situations when they are good models. My faith is important to me because it helps me to be more kind to others. Jesus was an unfailingly kind person and so he is a great role model for me!
8. I have a cupboard in my house simply for coffee mugs. I cannot stand little wimpy mugs. (What's the point really?) I am pretty picky about the mugs and I have specific criteria for when I buy a new mug (which is way too often) like the handle has to feel right. Flaky, I know or maybe just discriminating!
9. I want to learn to make great homemade bread. I bought my oven simply because it has a bread proofing drawer. I love to learn new things and am constantly trying out new things whenever I get a chance.
10. I am a list maker. I carry an old fashioned planner that you write in (gasp) because I like to see everything at once. I want to write better, more fluently and eloquently.